You know you've married a horsewoman when...

Your peace offering after an argument is something from a tack shop, NOT a dozen roses.

Even though you are not a horse person yourself, you wake up one morning and discover that, not only do you know how to SPELL Trakehner, you can also explain to another non-horse person (NHP) key points of their history and breeding.

Your house has not been vacuumed in recent history, but your wife's horses' stalls are spotless, her tack is spotless and she yells at you for leaving finger prints on her impeccably groomed/polished horses.

When you find yourself telling the dog to "WHOA" or clucking to make the dog move forward.

Due to the fact that there is limited storage in your humble abode, saddle and bridles can be found around the house used as "accents" and "decorations".

When you WILLINGLY and VOLUNTARILY tell people that horse poop does NOT stink and will back up your wife 100% should she be explaining that to a NHP in your presence.

You get up at 4am to go to a show and know that your wife will NOT eat, drink or anything of the sort before she leaves the house for the barn. You meet up with her at the barn by 5am with breakfast, coffee and water/Gatorade for the day without even being asked.

You've spent so much time at the boarding stable that people think you're the maintenance man.

You wear NASCAR baseball caps to horse shows so people won't ask you questions that you can't answer.

You bring your notebook to the barn the night before your final exam, so you can study while you groom.

When you start hoping for a daughter just to make sure you will still be going to horse shows for a long time to come.

Your realtor takes you to look at a house and you get out of the car ad head straight to the barns to inspect them for an hour and a half, you come back and say I'll take it. The realtor asks if you would like to see the house? So you take ten minutes, and say I'll take it too.

You get to the checkout at the grocery and the only things you're buying are 5 gallons of corn oil and 10 pounds of carrots.

There are more carrots in the garden than anything else.

When you buy more carrots & apples than you can possibly eat.

When you coax your horse into the trailer with a carrot, give him a bite, and walk out finishing it yourself.

You know you've married a horsewoman when...

You find bits and spurs in the dishwasher, polo wraps in the laundry basket, and horse hair in the dryer.

When birthdays and anniversaries arrive and all she wants is horse stuff. Jewelry? What jewelry? Gimme that new bridle I've been drooling after!

When the barn aisle is spotless but there's a pile of dishes in the sink. Getting crustier by the day, too.

Her horse has new shoes every six weeks- she buys new shoes when hers drop off her feet.

When she'd rather get up at 5:30AM to feed the horses rather than stay in bed for another 15 min because "they are hungry and expect me"

When essence of freshly mucked stall is her favorite perfume...

She can't wait to have children so she can buy a pony for lead line classes at shows

She would rather own a nice horse that eats carrots, than wear some nice carats

You know you've married a horsewoman when...

Your new wife says, "Honey, I have an idea, let's go to this place that offers trail rides!" and six months later you're supporting three horses on a part-time job and a graduate student's stipend.

You can justify any conceivable modification to your pickup truck by claiming that it will make it a better towing vehicle.

She treats you like a hero for giving her a home-made boot jack on her birthday.

You start using her hobby to leverage your own. "Sure I can make you some saddle racks. All I need is a new table saw."

You buy her so much heavy duty winter clothing that you find on a mailing lists for hunting, fishing and survivalist catalogs.

You find yourself unquestioningly trudging through a sleet storm to feed the horses.

You find yourself juggling roofing steel in a New Year's day blizzard to finish your horse barn.

You realize that not only have you become expert in trailer backing, horse grooming, tack cleaning, and giving her a leg up, you can also repeat her riding instructor's comments from her last lesson verbatim.

You get so used to her doing things like mucking stalls with a broken finger or showing her horse with a stress fractured ankle that you can't understand it when morning sickness wipes her out.

She names your first child "Dan Patch" or "Misty".

Spring Half Pass

Dare to be...

Horses Scared